John Darnell's blog

What North Panola taught me about God: In Summary

The reasons that I wrote the aforementioned blogs are numerous.  I believe that sharing our experiences walking with the Lord is integral to supporting other believers in their struggles.  As I struggled through my first year of teaching, I essentially came to a fork in the road.  Either I was going to follow God and invest in my relationship with Him or I was going to run away from Him and depend on worldly things to pull me through.  I praise God that He allowed me to choose Him.

All of us have struggles, but rarely do we go looking to have them.  That’s what I did with MTC.  Years from now, I hope that I can say that I am glad that I did it.  I’m still hurting a bit right now and unsure of whether or not I would go back and do it all over again.  However, I know that God has used this experience to teach me about my relationship with Him.  It has grown so much over the past two years.  I am a completely different person spiritually than I was in 2009.  For that, I am thankful. 

I am also happy that God has used this to teach me how to teach.  I am a much better teacher of His word now.  I can relate to many different people of many different backgrounds.  I am much more patient.  There has been a slough of advantages.

Another great blessing for which I am thankful is how much my wife and I have grown together over this time.  She has grown so much spiritually.  Now, we feel better equipped to go serve on the mission field. 

My MTC experience?  God-ordained. Difficult. Frustrating. Necessary.

 

What North Panola taught me about God: Part III "He left heaven for this?"

In parts I and II, we discussed what Jesus endured and how Jesus served.

As I mentioned in the first post, many of the participants in MTC come from high achieving backgrounds.  My class has one participant that graduated from Yale University.  The class that came in behind me has a graduate of Harvard.  Hundreds of idealistic over-achievers apply to be a part of MTC, and very few get in. 

Why do I mention this?  Well, most of the people in MTC could be doing many other things.  One of the fantastic people in my class quit his job in the healthcare industry (making 2x what his is making currently) and sold his land to move across the country and teach in Mississippi.  Others put off their future careers and lives to come and teach in Mississippi.  In the future, some in my class plan to be doctors, others lawyers, and a few plan on teaching for a little while longer. 

Again, you may be asking, “Why is John talking about this?”  Well, here’s the story…

One of my goals in MTC was to show my students that there is a bigger world than Panola County (Sardis, Como and Crenshaw).  I routinely show them pictures and let them read about the fascinating cultures and geographies of Latin America. One morning, I was showing a picture of a volcano in Costa Rica.  How cool is a volcano?  It’s awesome!  Then, I began to reminisce aloud about when I studied in Ecuador.  Everyday on the way to school, I saw a volcano on the bus ride.  That volcano’s picture is actually in the top left corner of this blog.  A kid from the flat delta of Mississippi got to live in the Andes Mountains and see a volcano everyday!!!  I then began to recount all of the amazing adventures I had while in Ecuador.  I told the students about mountain biking in the Andes, rappelling down waterfalls, white-water rafting in the Amazon Rainforest, exploring the Galapagos, and doing mission work.  The longer I talked about it, the more nostalgic I became. 

As I looked around, none of the students shared the same excitement and passion that I had for Latin America.  I began to think, “Why am I here?”

To reference the former posts, I have spent almost two years being disrespected and unloved.  Instead of seeing a volcano on the way to school, I see Senatobia and Como.  Instead of actually feeling like I am making a difference through mission work, I feel like I’m not making any difference at all. 

“Why am I here? For what?  This?”

I could be in South America.  I could be in the Amazon.  At worst, I could be in a Desoto County school.  I could be anywhere but here.  Why did I forgo all of that?  For this?

In the previous blogs, I focused on Jesus’ pain, suffering, rejection, and service.  Really, it was all about what He did on earth.  Something we do not think about very often is what He gave up or what He forwent to be on earth. 

Jesus gave up being worshipped all the time.  Jesus gave up his dignity.  He gave up being loved and worshipped by heavenly beings and humans who had crossed over from the earthly realm.  He gave up His heavenly throne to be born into a feed trough.  He went from being with the heavenly Father to submitting to His earthly parents.  He let the Roman soldiers whip Him. He left a perfect heaven to dwell among sinners and be tempted. God Himself left His place of ultimate-praise and worship on high to be nailed to a cross.

You could be in med school?  You could be in law school?  You could be living with your family back home?  No matter what a MTC teacher forwent, it does not compare to the heavenly glory that Jesus gave up.  He did it for thirty-plus years.  Can we do it for two? 

What did North Panola teach me about God?  He gave up amazing things to come walk among pain, temptation, and torture so that we may be saved from our sins and have a relationship with Him.  He did it for us.  How can I complain since I forwent much less than Him?  He gave me so much and I am giving others so little.  Surely, I can take two years of much less suffering in order to serve others.

 

What North Panola taught me about God: Part I "I'm God's North Panola"

  

When anyone applies to MTC, he/she (I’m going to use the singular pronoun “he” for simplicity) must be of a certain “caliber.”  Not to say that he is “better” than anyone else, but he has to have accomplished much in his young years to justify being one of the few selected from the hundreds of applicants.  When he arrives on campus at his teaching destination, he feels as if he were a big fish in a small pond.  More than likely, the rest of the teachers did not accomplish nearly as much as he did in their four years in school nor did they have as good of grades.  Really, any delta high school should be thankful that they have a teacher that is that smart and gifted in so many ways. 

Speaking from personal experience, it is easy for all of this to go to his head.  It went to mine!  I sat through endless professional developments on subjects that Dr. Monroe taught us early in June of 2009.  The other teachers in the room had no clue how to write a lesson plan or formulate a well-written objective.  I then found out that the previous year’s Spanish teacher was learning alongside the students.  I was at near native-fluency.  By the end of it, I began to think, “Man, these kids sure are lucky to have me here.  I know they will feel that way too.

As the first year wore on, I began to think more and more about my initial feelings of greatness.  I spoke at length throughout the year about me being “hall of fame” at Ole Miss or having a super high GPA.  I told them about living in two different countries and meeting Colin Powell.  Maybe one student was interested. 

Worse than only one student being interested was that many of them were disrespectful.  They did not realize that I could be anywhere else in the world (literally) than in North Panola School District.  I was yelled at, threatened, cursed, and disrespected.  I was trying to bring them out of poverty!  If my students really learned Spanish, they would have job opportunities and scholarships galore!  Instead of realizing the amazing opportunity before them, they decided to spit in my face.  I loved them, and they hated me.  I spent hours at home preparing to teach them, and they spent hours asleep in class.  I respected them so much, and they disrespected me.  By the end of September, I had once again been slighted, this time by an administrator.  I remember thinking, “Ok.  Let them just stay this way.  They do not deserve people like me being here.  I could make this better, but they want to stay in poverty.  They want terrible things for themselves.  Why would I subject myself to this?”

Well, those last couple of sentences were identical to the ones shown in the movie clip.  The character in the movie played by Kirk Cameron was trying to show his wife how much he loved her.  Instead of loving him, she pushed him back.  Instead of reciprocating, she rejected.  He complains about all of this to his father.  By the time he finishes his rant, his father is standing by the cross. 

The cross.  THE CROSS.  It’s a perfect reminder of perfect love.  Jesus is the best thing to happen to humanity.  It’s the only way to true purpose.  He’s is only way to pay for our sin.  He is the only way to God.  He came and served.  We rejected.  He loved and healed but was rejected.  He was humble to the finish as they nailed Him to the cross. 

These difficult circumstances that I signed up for made me really angry, but I am not going to pretend that anything I went through compares to Jesus’ suffering. However, I learned a lot abut the humility of Christ.  He endured so much and was rejected.  I am glad that He had the opposite reaction of me: He refused to leave us in our current sinful state. 

I am God’s North Panola.  I spit in His face.  I reject His love at times.  At other times, I abhor His direction that would better my life.  Even though I deserve it, I am glad that Jesus did not give up on me.

 

A day in the life-comparing year one with year two

For consistency sake, I will just take a random day from this point in the school year last year and compare it with this year.  The way I operated changed drastically throughout the school year and continues to change, so I will compare one day last week with a typical day from December of last year.

December 7^th, 2010.  Emily wakes me up about 4:55.  She’s already been up since 4:30 and showered.  I climb out of bed.  For some reason, I sort of feel a little energetic this morning.  After showering and using my wife’s shampoo, I climb out and brush my teeth.  Man, I really don’t want to go to work today.  Can I imagine anything worse than working here? Well, actually I can.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  My job just is not one of them.  I then pull out my Bible, journal, and John MacArthur book.  Honestly, this is the only way that I make it through this mess.   Hebrews 12:14-29 is the reading of choice for today.  One thing that I do every time I have my quiet time is begin by: praising God for three of his qualities, thanking Him for three people, and thanking him for three things, whatever they may be.  No matter how bad it may seem at North Panola, I still need to remember this.  I did not do a good job of doing my quiet time consistently last fall, and my spiritual life really suffered.  The way I acted toward students really showed my relationship with God was not right.

After prayer and reading, I head into the kitchen.  Emily usually puts ice in our water bottles, gets out our lunches and breakfast, and prepares our coffee mugs.  We’ve sworn off coffee, so I make sure all of this stuff is done. 

We head out of our apartment and get into the Pony Express.  I drop her off in Como and head to Sardis, and this has been our routine since August of 2009.  We have to be on duty by 6:50 a.m.  It’s terrible.  I stand in the hall from 7 or so until 7:35 with Jensen and company asking kids to take earrings out, pull pants up, pull pants out of socks, button their shirts, and get out of the boys bathroom.  Maybe I did not do what I was supposed to last year, but we had to be at school at 7 and our administration was not nearly as Nazi with the “BE IN THE HALL” nonsense.  Intervention period begins at 7:40.  What a joy it is.  This is new for this year, so I essentially teach 7 periods.  I do U.S. history intervention, and it is ok sometimes.  I go throughout my day teaching Spanish.  This year, 6^th period ends at 2:32 as opposed to last year’s 2:16.  Dismissal also begins a good 15 minutes than last year as well.  Jensen and I stand on the sidewalk yelling the same things to kids that we told them that morning.  Pull your pants up!  We finally get all of the kids onto the buses and off of the campus.  I leave school around 4:05 when we don’t have meetings and go get my wife.  Here is the main difference between these two years:  last year, Emily and I would get home and just lay on the couch watching tv for hours on end.  We’d probably get Sonic or order pizza.  This year, we don’t have tv.  We talk, cook dinner, and do our work together.  It’s so much healthier!  Also, we started a Tuesday night small group that is great. 

Last year, I did not know what to do to maintain sanity.  This year, I realized investing in a relationship with God is the key.