John Darnell's blog

Why I chose to stay

Why did I decide to stay?  When I applied for MTC, I planned on being at my school for at least two years.  If I liked it, I would stay even longer.  My first year at North Panola was greeted with many challenges.  Our Principal decided not to come back for another year at North Panola and returned to the delta to be near his mom in Sunflower County.  However, there was a “superstar” principal at the junior high that was moving up to the high school.  I was sad about my first principal being gone, but I was excited about the prospect of the new principal being good as well.  Also, I round out that Jensen would be teaching across the hall from me as well.  Everything was looking up.  A conservator to whom the community could relate a little better was coming for the new year.  I hard-nosed principal that was tough on discipline was coming.  I had the opportunity to teach across the hall from one of my best friends in MTC.  What else could anyone ask for?  I had built a relationship with many students and teachers, and my wife was invested in the community as an elementary school teacher as well.  I could not think of a reason not to be at North Panola for another year.  Above all else, I really felt called to North Panola.  This really is my mission field ordained by God.  To walk away from it would be to walk outside of God’s will. 

Interestingly enough, I was looking forward to walking into a staff meeting and knowing people.  Not only would I know people, I would be known.  I feel like I have a place at North Panola.  I’m the public address announcer, and I invest in the students’ lives.  I was looking forward to having my Spanish I kids in my Spanish II classes to see how much progress we could make.  Two years in a classroom with the same kids provides ample time for nurturing a relationship and getting to know one another.

Not only was I invested in North Panola, I was also invested in Longview Point Baptist Church in Hernando where Emily and I live.  Changing schools may mean changing where we live, and that really was not an option.  Emily and I have prayed since the beginning of our relationship for God to lay out His path for our lives.  Sometimes, we focused a little too much on what the “next step” is, and He did not reveal that to us.  That meant we were supposed to be serving Him everyday at North Panola.  Until He shows us another step that does not include North Panola, that is where we will be.  

 

A day in the life-comparing year one with year two

For consistency sake, I will just take a random day from this point in the school year last year and compare it with this year.  The way I operated changed drastically throughout the school year and continues to change, so I will compare one day last week with a typical day from December of last year.

December 7^th, 2010.  Emily wakes me up about 4:55.  She’s already been up since 4:30 and showered.  I climb out of bed.  For some reason, I sort of feel a little energetic this morning.  After showering and using my wife’s shampoo, I climb out and brush my teeth.  Man, I really don’t want to go to work today.  Can I imagine anything worse than working here? Well, actually I can.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  My job just is not one of them.  I then pull out my Bible, journal, and John MacArthur book.  Honestly, this is the only way that I make it through this mess.   Hebrews 12:14-29 is the reading of choice for today.  One thing that I do every time I have my quiet time is begin by: praising God for three of his qualities, thanking Him for three people, and thanking him for three things, whatever they may be.  No matter how bad it may seem at North Panola, I still need to remember this.  I did not do a good job of doing my quiet time consistently last fall, and my spiritual life really suffered.  The way I acted toward students really showed my relationship with God was not right.

After prayer and reading, I head into the kitchen.  Emily usually puts ice in our water bottles, gets out our lunches and breakfast, and prepares our coffee mugs.  We’ve sworn off coffee, so I make sure all of this stuff is done. 

We head out of our apartment and get into the Pony Express.  I drop her off in Como and head to Sardis, and this has been our routine since August of 2009.  We have to be on duty by 6:50 a.m.  It’s terrible.  I stand in the hall from 7 or so until 7:35 with Jensen and company asking kids to take earrings out, pull pants up, pull pants out of socks, button their shirts, and get out of the boys bathroom.  Maybe I did not do what I was supposed to last year, but we had to be at school at 7 and our administration was not nearly as Nazi with the “BE IN THE HALL” nonsense.  Intervention period begins at 7:40.  What a joy it is.  This is new for this year, so I essentially teach 7 periods.  I do U.S. history intervention, and it is ok sometimes.  I go throughout my day teaching Spanish.  This year, 6^th period ends at 2:32 as opposed to last year’s 2:16.  Dismissal also begins a good 15 minutes than last year as well.  Jensen and I stand on the sidewalk yelling the same things to kids that we told them that morning.  Pull your pants up!  We finally get all of the kids onto the buses and off of the campus.  I leave school around 4:05 when we don’t have meetings and go get my wife.  Here is the main difference between these two years:  last year, Emily and I would get home and just lay on the couch watching tv for hours on end.  We’d probably get Sonic or order pizza.  This year, we don’t have tv.  We talk, cook dinner, and do our work together.  It’s so much healthier!  Also, we started a Tuesday night small group that is great. 

Last year, I did not know what to do to maintain sanity.  This year, I realized investing in a relationship with God is the key.  

 

I came to serve, not to be served

Mark 10:45- For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. 

Homecoming at North Panola is quite the affair.  During the week of homecoming, we have themed spirit days in which the kids dress up like twins, babies, old people, and wear their class colors.  At a school with such low parental involvement, all of these extra responsibilities fall onto the overworked shoulders of the teachers. 

This is my story.

The morning of homecoming, I showed up at school at 6:30 a.m.  Instead of focusing on schoolwork, I was working on intervention period stuff for the administration.  After teaching a full day, I painted the field with other MTC teachers during the pep rally.  After school, we were on duty at the homecoming parade.  Then, I immediately went to the press box to do the public address for the game and the halftime parade of beauties.  I packed up the press box after the game, and my wife and I headed for the gate.

Think about this:  I had been at work since 6:30 a.m.  It was now around 9:30 p.m.  Fifteen hours straight at North Panola High School!!!  I had done my duty.  I felt that I had done enough minimum wage work for one day.  My wife teaches at the elementary school, and she was there with my step by step of the way.  We were tired; not only that, but I had my masters class the next day.  I needed to go home and start studying. 

As we were walking out of the field, my assistant principal/athletic director started handing out trash bags to all of the MTC teachers.  It is not that he was intentionally targeting MTC teachers; it was that the only teachers that had stayed the entire game and fulfilled their duty. 

So, we started picking up the trash out of the bleachers.  I would jump out on a limb and say that most of the Teacher Corps schools have fans in attendance that did not learn to use trashcans when they were young.  Lassetter ended up picking up a dirty diaper!  After about 30 minutes, we had both sets of bleachers and the sidelines cleaned.

I was a little upset about my 15.5-hour day and total disrespect.  I was a little upset that the central office thought it was the teachers’ job to clean up the trash.  After a little more thought, Mark 10:45 rang in my head.  It states “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  If Jesus, who is far above me in worth, came and served those who were way below Him, I can pick up a little trash. 

I need to serve like my Savior.

 

Imparting my wisdom on the first years

Answering the questions for the first years—

What would you have done differently in year one?

Of the many things that I would have done differently, I think being less uptight would have helped a great deal.  Though being very serious about making it through the curriculum is important, I rushed too quickly through the material and am afraid that many of my students fell behind for that reason.  Another part of being uptight was that I did not try many different approaches to dealing with discipline problems.  I just stuck to the MTC norm of “warning, writing assignment, double writing assignment, and referral.”  This year, I have used humor and grade leverage, and I like that approach a whole lot better. 

What was the greatest area of improvement from year one to year two?

By far, the greatest area of improvement in my life has been my attitude.  Instead of leaning on my arrogance, mastery of the material, and myself, I have dedicated myself to depending on the Lord.  Also, I think I took too many things too personally last year.  Why would I let the actions of a finicky 15-year-old girl get me mad?  Why does the opinion of a knucklehead who cares nothing for learning affect me so badly?  I’ve dealt with these questions, and I am now a lot happier. 

What is your procedure for keeping track of documentation?  How has that strategy changed?

Last year, I shoved everything into various folders on my desk.  That was a disaster!  This year, I am very organized, and binders are a teacher’s best friend.  In one binder, I keep my lesson plans from this year paired with the ones from the same week last year.  In another binder, I keep all of the documentation from evaluations and forms we need to fill out for the district.  In another binder, I keep my tests, quizzes, and assessments.  I recommend that you buy a high quality three hole punch so that you can keep up with all of this stuff!

What are your plans for next year?  Have they changed?  

I think at some points in my first year I could see myself as a principal or dedicated teacher.  However, the situation at my school just keeps getting worse.  So, I seriously doubt that being a Spanish teacher is really my calling for the future.  When I accepted this position, I was hopeful that I would really enjoy it.  In many ways I have, but I definitely feel that is it a difficult step of preparation that God is using in my life and in my wife’s life.  To answer the question, I am actively pursuing the idea of attending seminary.  I would actually be applying right now if I were not working on these blog posts  :) 

Cry out to Jesus--a freewrite

The memory verses that I am diving into this week deal with being steadfast.  Throughout this experience, I have learned that being strong, or steadfast, in my faith is the only way I will make it.  The strength of the Lord is all I need.  I remarked to Josh Smith the other day when we were talking that I now understand why people lean on harmful substances to get them through life.  Alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana are just some of the replacements for God that people put into their lives.  I never knew why until now.  Luckily, I have Christ in my life. 

Not only is Christ my strength, but He is also my motivator.  Why would anyone put himself through this torture (teaching where we do) unless he was a sadist masochist? 

Anyway, back to that verse I was talking about.  Hebrews 12:3 states “For consider Him who endured such hostility by others against Himself, so you do not grow weary and lose heart.”  Wow!  Do you think that you have it bad in your classroom?  Do you think that having a kid be rude to you is tough?  How terrible is your intervention period that your administration forced on you?  Have you considered your circumstances in reference to what Christ endured?  Have you dared to compare the two?

When we realize that Christ never committed any wrongs and was murdered anyway, our situation seems a little less bleak.  When we think about Jesus who lived for the sole purpose of serving and saving others, a rough fifth period tends to feel like a nice problem to have. 

Not only was Jesus persecuted, but He was also tempted.  Hebrews 2:18 states “For since He himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.”  Fellow teachers, Jesus was tempted.   Satan himself tempted Jesus in person, and Jesus relied on the authority of the scripture and the strength of the Father to bring Him through the trial. 

What is the personal application of all of this?  When you are tempted, call on Jesus.  When you are afraid you are about to lose control and go nuts, call on Jesus.  When you are getting really aggravated about how lazy your students are, call on Jesus.  When you get down about how terribly your students treat you, remember Christ’s sufferings on the cross and call on Him to help you.

Realize that Jesus has been there and been through worse.  Then, get Him on the main line.  

Lucky

Luckily, my wife’s mistreatment has given me a topic about which to write this blog post.  For those of you who do not know, my wife is teaching 4^th grade at Como Elementary, which is in the same school district as me.  It is an incredibly difficult situation.  Last year, two of her students could read on grade level, and the age of the children in her class varied from 8-13.  It was so terrible for the first two months that she could barely eat and felt overwhelmed with anxiety.  After the tough part got out of the way, the rest of the year was a little more bearable.  This year, we were determined to be positive and uplifting. 

Then the “incident” happened. 

Emily was attacked by one of the students in her class.  This student has a history of violent behavior, and she had to be restrained by a male police officer because she was so livid.  As the girl went psycho, Emily was shoved against the door, cut by the staples sticking out, and forced to the ground. 

I thought last year’s class was the bad one?

After the dust settled on that mess, a different fun activity took place today.  The mentally unstable grandmother of a student who failed Emily’s class last year had a parent-teacher conference with Emily and the other 4^th grade teacher.  She proceeded to verbally assault my wife.  None of her claims were valid, and the principal had to threaten getting the police to get her off of campus. 

That reminds me, why did I do this?  Why did I drag her here?  Why did she take a $10,000 pay cut to teach in the hood?  Why would she give up teaching students who care and want to learn to come where the students don’t want to do anything?

But, that’s what we sign up for, right?  We sign up to be attacked physically and verbally.  We sign up to give our lives to children who think that we owe it to them and are not grateful. 

That’s ok though.  I made it through one year of ridiculousness.  I have other options.  I came here to try to at least give one kid another option.  I want them to know that they don’t have to hate white people, especially the ones that are here and trying to help.  If they refuse to listen, that’s ok.  I’ll take my services elsewhere.

First days, second year

What’s different this year?  So much has changed.  The stress and pressure of our conservatorship has caused yet another leadership change.  We have a new principal who should actually be compared to a dictator.  He keeps us LATE everyday, and he is definitely not going to be “buddy/buddy” with some of the teachers.  However, he is strong on discipline and structure.  The implications for this new school year are positive and painful.  In the beginning of school, there was structure.  We went to every class, and we did not hold homeroom all day.  I got to meet with my classes and tell them about my expectations.  On the bad side of things, our principal is as hard on us as he is the students. 

Meeting after meeting until five o clock.  It was very painful.  Many of them are inane and pointless.  We were told that they would end at 4:25, but some of them did not even begin until then.  Instead of being miserable, my approach is different than that of my first year.  I am going through 1 Peter in my daily devotional right now.  It is speaking to me so much because it is so applicable with how I should approach this school year.  Here is one excerpt:  “Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men….Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king. Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. If you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps…When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.  He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” 

The questions in the Bible study asked:  What if you said to your boss, “I disagree with you, but I am going do try it your way.”  God calls us to this!!!  By doing right, we can silence those who are against us.  By example, Christ, who did no wrong, suffered for no good reason.  Therefore, we can also suffer for no good reason.

Again I think back to the question, “What is different?”  Not only is the administration different, but my spiritual life is different.  It is stronger.  I am trusting in the Lord for strength and hope.  I refuse to let a teenage girl aggravate me and ruin my day.   Even through we will go through a ton of stuff every day, I will have a joy and peace that is not available except through God.  Hopefully, someone will notice that and want it as well.

The only negatives during this school year are that many of the students are too comfortable with me.  They completely ignore my nice requests to stay on task, so I will have to address that very soon.  Most of what I have learned this past year has to do with a proper perspective on life, and I’m making sure that I’m approaching that differently this year.  

Skillz: three teacha skillz dat i wanna m-proove

When I think about teaching US History during summer school, I get a little concerned about teaching a subject which I have never taught before.  I am going to be helping develop history teachers, and I am a Spanish teacher!  I understand that many of the principles of teaching (or MTC principles, I should say) are identical.  But, I am going to be a role model and even I am not sure what I am doing in History. 

It’s the time of the year that we clean our classrooms.  As I have gone through my paper work, I came across a couple of papers from MTC lesson plans.  I saw words like objective, set, assessment, closure, and modeling.  School has been so crazy for so long that I do not think I have done many of those things since March.  I do not do a great job of doing those technical things that I had down pat at the end of July.  Anyway, summer school should be a refresher for me.

My first teaching skill I would like to practice is planning units using the textbook along with online resources and activities independent of the normal curriculum.  In my first year of teaching, the textbook became my Bible.  I know that the kids got sick of just using the textbook.  I came up with a lot of activities, but I think the students already have a negative attitude towards using a textbook.  My dream is to have activities that I create along with online games and resources.  They would only use the textbook every once and a while.

The second teaching skill is procedural management.  I think a lot of my classroom management issues stem from a lack of procedures.  I would like to work on putting every student to work in my classroom for the summer, and I hope to learn a lot about it so that I can use it on a larger scale in the fall.  Kids need structure to handle going to the bathroom and getting tissue.  Once they have a plan they can execute themselves, I am able to teach the lesson efficiently. 

The last teaching skill on which I would like to work is the giving of rewards .  I was a co-leader of the PBIS team, and I still did not do enough to encourage the giving of rewards.  It is against every principle that I have to reward students for doing what they are supposed to be doing.  I will seek a way to reward those who go above and beyond the call of duty.  

Reflecting on how to improve

Looking back on my first year of teaching, I realize that I changed a lot.  At the beginning of the year, I was really uptight.  As the students entered on the first day, I met them with a stern look and introduced them to a world of structure that they had never experienced.  I neglected their feelings and whining.  I did not want to hear excuses.  Not that some of those characteristics I was exhibiting were inherently bad, but the way in which they affected me was exhausting.  Every day was incredibly difficult because the students did not want to bend to adhere to my code of conduct.  I came off as firm and had that reputation among students, but I eventually wore down and wore out.  Heading into the October/November stretch, I was completely fatigued. 

In the deepest points of my despair, I wrote “Panola Prison Blues” which I performed for the class last December.  I was doing all that I could to survive.  My stress was high and weight gain was happening quickly.  It was not a pretty sight. 

During the spring semester, I was a new me.  I could relate to the students.  I used their phrases like “Mane look at dude!” or “Hey, gull!”  The kids began to see me in a different light.  We began to joke around and relate to one another in ways that they had not before.  All of the sudden, my being the new, white teacher did not matter as much.  I always loved the students, but I really began to get to know them and love them even more. 

What did I do well?  I did an excellent job of laying the groundwork for an organized classroom.  I worked relentlessly to help them learn Spanish.  I got great evaluations because I used many strategies to teach.  I worked to develop relationships with other teachers beside just MTCers at my school. 

Where do I need to improve?  I hit a wall with discipline and letting students leave my room.  I got sick of their incessant complaining, so I decided to let it go.  I have to improve in that area, and I think the secret is developing efficient procedures.  I want to improve to develop relationships with more staff members.  During the second semester, I did not try as hard lesson planning and such, and I want to work from August to May.  I want to be innovative from August to May. 

That’s what I want to improve.      

Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh….

First, I would like to commend Josh for taking the time to write about something about which he is passionate.  I will agree with some of the points; then, I will systematically dismantle some of the piece. 

The schools in which we teach always point to other factors as reasons as to why our students are not graduating from high school.  Though there are difficulties, it does come down to students making the right decisions and doing what they are supposed to do.  Before I began teaching, I thought this was really easy.  Come to find out, it is easier said than done.  Even the smart students who seem to be making the right choices are not as great as they seem to be.  Anyway, the point here is that the students are to blame for not doing what they are supposed to be doing.  This is a point with which I believe you would agree. 

Then, our opinions begin to differ.  I think that your thinking is correct when it comes to the teacher’s attitude and approach to the classroom.  As I Spanish teacher, I could complain about the terribly wrong and incomprehensible English that my students speak.  My second language is more correct than their first.  I could blame their terrible English as an obstacle to teaching them Spanish in an academic setting.  I could blame their past teachers for giving them grades and never making them work and that attitude carrying over into my classroom.  I could blame their parents for not being parents and leaving me to raise them.  I could complain that my textbook (which is really good in a normal setting) is written for a middle class school and some of the translations are not comprehensible for students with low level English. 

Sometimes, I do.  Even though I do not accept their excuses and teach as hard as I can, those factors will affect classroom performance.  Do you really think that a Spanish teacher in Desoto County will encounter the same issues that I do on a daily basis?  And you want to hold us to the same standard? 

In the end, I think that your mindset is a good one for a teacher in our situation to have and a good expectation for an administrator to have. 

As for state testing, I do not really want to talk about it that much.  However, state testing is an obstacle when they are written as piss-poor as Mississippi’s state exams.  State testing is an obstacle when it is testing academic phrases and words instead of concepts and history.  State testing is an obstacle when politicians are writing the tests and not educators who understand the material and child psychology.  State exams will only be rewarding when they are fair and written correctly.  As for now, they are just a sick way for us to ruin our children’s education by strapping them with pressure.