John Darnell's blog

What North Panola taught me about God: In Summary

The reasons that I wrote the aforementioned blogs are numerous.  I believe that sharing our experiences walking with the Lord is integral to supporting other believers in their struggles.  As I struggled through my first year of teaching, I essentially came to a fork in the road.  Either I was going to follow God and invest in my relationship with Him or I was going to run away from Him and depend on worldly things to pull me through.  I praise God that He allowed me to choose Him.

All of us have struggles, but rarely do we go looking to have them.  That’s what I did with MTC.  Years from now, I hope that I can say that I am glad that I did it.  I’m still hurting a bit right now and unsure of whether or not I would go back and do it all over again.  However, I know that God has used this experience to teach me about my relationship with Him.  It has grown so much over the past two years.  I am a completely different person spiritually than I was in 2009.  For that, I am thankful. 

I am also happy that God has used this to teach me how to teach.  I am a much better teacher of His word now.  I can relate to many different people of many different backgrounds.  I am much more patient.  There has been a slough of advantages.

Another great blessing for which I am thankful is how much my wife and I have grown together over this time.  She has grown so much spiritually.  Now, we feel better equipped to go serve on the mission field. 

My MTC experience?  God-ordained. Difficult. Frustrating. Necessary.

 

What North Panola taught me about God: Part III "He left heaven for this?"

In parts I and II, we discussed what Jesus endured and how Jesus served.

As I mentioned in the first post, many of the participants in MTC come from high achieving backgrounds.  My class has one participant that graduated from Yale University.  The class that came in behind me has a graduate of Harvard.  Hundreds of idealistic over-achievers apply to be a part of MTC, and very few get in. 

Why do I mention this?  Well, most of the people in MTC could be doing many other things.  One of the fantastic people in my class quit his job in the healthcare industry (making 2x what his is making currently) and sold his land to move across the country and teach in Mississippi.  Others put off their future careers and lives to come and teach in Mississippi.  In the future, some in my class plan to be doctors, others lawyers, and a few plan on teaching for a little while longer. 

Again, you may be asking, “Why is John talking about this?”  Well, here’s the story…

One of my goals in MTC was to show my students that there is a bigger world than Panola County (Sardis, Como and Crenshaw).  I routinely show them pictures and let them read about the fascinating cultures and geographies of Latin America. One morning, I was showing a picture of a volcano in Costa Rica.  How cool is a volcano?  It’s awesome!  Then, I began to reminisce aloud about when I studied in Ecuador.  Everyday on the way to school, I saw a volcano on the bus ride.  That volcano’s picture is actually in the top left corner of this blog.  A kid from the flat delta of Mississippi got to live in the Andes Mountains and see a volcano everyday!!!  I then began to recount all of the amazing adventures I had while in Ecuador.  I told the students about mountain biking in the Andes, rappelling down waterfalls, white-water rafting in the Amazon Rainforest, exploring the Galapagos, and doing mission work.  The longer I talked about it, the more nostalgic I became. 

As I looked around, none of the students shared the same excitement and passion that I had for Latin America.  I began to think, “Why am I here?”

To reference the former posts, I have spent almost two years being disrespected and unloved.  Instead of seeing a volcano on the way to school, I see Senatobia and Como.  Instead of actually feeling like I am making a difference through mission work, I feel like I’m not making any difference at all. 

“Why am I here? For what?  This?”

I could be in South America.  I could be in the Amazon.  At worst, I could be in a Desoto County school.  I could be anywhere but here.  Why did I forgo all of that?  For this?

In the previous blogs, I focused on Jesus’ pain, suffering, rejection, and service.  Really, it was all about what He did on earth.  Something we do not think about very often is what He gave up or what He forwent to be on earth. 

Jesus gave up being worshipped all the time.  Jesus gave up his dignity.  He gave up being loved and worshipped by heavenly beings and humans who had crossed over from the earthly realm.  He gave up His heavenly throne to be born into a feed trough.  He went from being with the heavenly Father to submitting to His earthly parents.  He let the Roman soldiers whip Him. He left a perfect heaven to dwell among sinners and be tempted. God Himself left His place of ultimate-praise and worship on high to be nailed to a cross.

You could be in med school?  You could be in law school?  You could be living with your family back home?  No matter what a MTC teacher forwent, it does not compare to the heavenly glory that Jesus gave up.  He did it for thirty-plus years.  Can we do it for two? 

What did North Panola teach me about God?  He gave up amazing things to come walk among pain, temptation, and torture so that we may be saved from our sins and have a relationship with Him.  He did it for us.  How can I complain since I forwent much less than Him?  He gave me so much and I am giving others so little.  Surely, I can take two years of much less suffering in order to serve others.

 

What North Panola taught me about God: Part II "Picking up trash"

In Part I, we discussed how the mistreatment of teachers is essentially nothing compared to what Jesus endured.  Thank God He did not give up on us.

October 22^nd, 2010-North Panola’s Homecoming.  

I awoke way before my normal time of 5:15 so that I could arrive early at school.  My principal had asked me to get there early to aid him in working on some documentation.  By 7:00 a.m., I was on my duty post working the metal detector on my hall.  After a full day of teaching (7 periods), we had a pep rally on the football field.  While all of the students and most of the teachers were in the stands celebrating our football team, all of the MTC teachers were painting the football field.  We had a short break after school, Em and I quickly went to grab a bit to eat.  We had to return quickly because we had to be on duty for the homecoming parade.  After it had finished, I walked over to the football field to do the public address.  Yes, I am was the voice of the cougars.  I poured my heart out and did the best I could for 3 hours straight.  Talking for 3 hours without a break is hard, I remind you.  After the game, I packed up the equipment in the press box, and Emily and I began to walk down the bleachers.

Think about it.  I arrived at work at 6:30 a.m. and worked my butt off non-stop for 15 hours.  I was exhausted.  On top of that, I still had homework to do for my master’s class the next day (Saturday). 

I. was. exhausted.

As Emily and I walked down the bleachers from the press box, our athletic director was handing out trash bags to all of the teachers (who happened to be MTC).  Per the central office’s request, it was the teachers’ job to clean up all of the trash after the games. 

I. was. depressed.

Emily was more upset than I was about it.  I think she was more concerned about her husband being treated like slave labor than she was upset about picking up trash. 

Does it make sense though?  Does it make sense to make people with bachelor and master’s degrees to pick up trash after game?  After we do the parents’ jobs all day at school now we get to pick up their trash?  That’s ridiculous.  RIDICULOUS.

But, there was a verse that came to mind.  Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

You know what North Panola taught me about God?  Jesus picked up my trash.  Jesus picks up my trash.  I don’t deserve that blessing. As a Christian, I can pick up other people’s trash; I realize that I am just as undeserving as they are.  

 

What North Panola taught me about God: Part I "I'm God's North Panola"

  

When anyone applies to MTC, he/she (I’m going to use the singular pronoun “he” for simplicity) must be of a certain “caliber.”  Not to say that he is “better” than anyone else, but he has to have accomplished much in his young years to justify being one of the few selected from the hundreds of applicants.  When he arrives on campus at his teaching destination, he feels as if he were a big fish in a small pond.  More than likely, the rest of the teachers did not accomplish nearly as much as he did in their four years in school nor did they have as good of grades.  Really, any delta high school should be thankful that they have a teacher that is that smart and gifted in so many ways. 

Speaking from personal experience, it is easy for all of this to go to his head.  It went to mine!  I sat through endless professional developments on subjects that Dr. Monroe taught us early in June of 2009.  The other teachers in the room had no clue how to write a lesson plan or formulate a well-written objective.  I then found out that the previous year’s Spanish teacher was learning alongside the students.  I was at near native-fluency.  By the end of it, I began to think, “Man, these kids sure are lucky to have me here.  I know they will feel that way too.

As the first year wore on, I began to think more and more about my initial feelings of greatness.  I spoke at length throughout the year about me being “hall of fame” at Ole Miss or having a super high GPA.  I told them about living in two different countries and meeting Colin Powell.  Maybe one student was interested. 

Worse than only one student being interested was that many of them were disrespectful.  They did not realize that I could be anywhere else in the world (literally) than in North Panola School District.  I was yelled at, threatened, cursed, and disrespected.  I was trying to bring them out of poverty!  If my students really learned Spanish, they would have job opportunities and scholarships galore!  Instead of realizing the amazing opportunity before them, they decided to spit in my face.  I loved them, and they hated me.  I spent hours at home preparing to teach them, and they spent hours asleep in class.  I respected them so much, and they disrespected me.  By the end of September, I had once again been slighted, this time by an administrator.  I remember thinking, “Ok.  Let them just stay this way.  They do not deserve people like me being here.  I could make this better, but they want to stay in poverty.  They want terrible things for themselves.  Why would I subject myself to this?”

Well, those last couple of sentences were identical to the ones shown in the movie clip.  The character in the movie played by Kirk Cameron was trying to show his wife how much he loved her.  Instead of loving him, she pushed him back.  Instead of reciprocating, she rejected.  He complains about all of this to his father.  By the time he finishes his rant, his father is standing by the cross. 

The cross.  THE CROSS.  It’s a perfect reminder of perfect love.  Jesus is the best thing to happen to humanity.  It’s the only way to true purpose.  He’s is only way to pay for our sin.  He is the only way to God.  He came and served.  We rejected.  He loved and healed but was rejected.  He was humble to the finish as they nailed Him to the cross. 

These difficult circumstances that I signed up for made me really angry, but I am not going to pretend that anything I went through compares to Jesus’ suffering. However, I learned a lot abut the humility of Christ.  He endured so much and was rejected.  I am glad that He had the opposite reaction of me: He refused to leave us in our current sinful state. 

I am God’s North Panola.  I spit in His face.  I reject His love at times.  At other times, I abhor His direction that would better my life.  Even though I deserve it, I am glad that Jesus did not give up on me.

 

Looking Back.....

Looking back….

Was that painful or what?  Actually, it was not painful to look back over the blogs.  It was funny to see the optimism of what needed to happen or what needed to change.  The social commentary was hilarious.  I had forgotten some of the things happened that I had written about.  Honestly, I was searching for a little bit of wisdom that will help pull me through the next eight weeks.  Here is what I found:

While writing a post on “what makes a good teacher,” I pulled this quote from the article. 

 “What did predict success, interestingly, was a history of perseverance—not just an attitude, but a track record.” 

Then, I wrote:

Every MTC teacher must have the ability to pick himself up off of the ground, dust himself off, and try just one more time to reach the students.

Is this where I have failed?  Is this where I am failing?  After about 22 months of the same issues and hindrances, I’m in danger of being over it.  What can I accomplish in the next two months if I have not seemingly accomplished anything in the prior 22? 

The next post that stuck out was a success story.  Here is what I wrote about my wife:

“She had been in a "Desoto County-ish" school in the suburbs of Chicago, and she was dealing with middle to upper class parents.  Now, she is in a completely different situation.  She had to change her approach with classroom management, and she deals with ages 8-13 in the 4th grade classroom.  The situation is so tough that she cried almost every day.  She was nauseous and had anxiety about going to school.  The success?  Three months later, they are reading somewhat independently and achieving.  She is rarely cursed by the kids now, and now she is respected.  As a husband, this is a personal success. Our marriage is better, and we can help one another be better teachers.”

God answered that prayer!  Teaching at North Panola is not nearly as luxurious as the school where she taught before, but Emily has really adjusted and adapted quite well.  I am so thankful that the situation got better.  It is really interesting to think back on the first months of our marriage and how difficult they were.  Life is so much easier now!

The last topic I saw was the first semester reflection blog.  Does anyone reading remember the song that I wrote as a first-semester reflection?  Panola Prison Blues?  I was in a sad and lonely state during those moments.  The school year has actually been much worse this year, but I have been better equipped to handle the adversity.  Maybe I will have another song ready when portfolio presentations come along!

A letter to the incoming first years

Mis estimados profesores de primer año,

I know you.  You are probably not from Mississippi nor have spent much time in Mississippi.  You may even exercise often.  I was in the greatest shape of my life when I graduated college in 2009.  I was young, beautiful, and just married. 

You and I were alike in some ways.  We both had fantastic college careers, high GPAs, and many accolades.  If we did something, we were successful, no doubt about it.  You may know how good you are going to be in the classroom.  You know you are going to do great. 

I’m writing you today to warn you of just how difficult this is going to be.  Sure, you get a warm and fuzzy feeling in your heart when you think about the lives you are going to change in the upcoming months.  I can assure you this: what you are doing here will change a life.  It will change your life. 

What do I mean by that?  What do I mean by it will change your life?  Well, everyone’s life will change.  Every MTC’er will change in some way.  The most important task you will have over the next two long years is making sure that you are changing in the correct way.  Think yourself as a caterpillar on the verge of climbing into his Mississippi cocoon for the next two years.

The first part of the metamorphosis is the loss of the glow you had before entering the program.  Do you remember the little glowing caterpillar?  You were just like him, glowing with intentions to help as many kids as possible, now you just want a decent night’s rest.  You are also frustrated that no one outside of your cocoon understands how difficult the process is or what is happening inside the cocoon.  It is extremely difficult.

The second part of the metamorphosis may be a little different for each caterpillar.  For me, I went from a weak little caterpillar that was losing his glow and struggling with life in the cocoon to a hard-hearted caterpillar that was bent on survival.  You will be hardened.

After 12 months in the cocoon, there are difficult decisions to make.  You have lost touch with the outside world.  You have not seen it for extended periods in months!  Do you leave the cocoon early?  Do you choose to stay?  You would love to tear out and re-enter a normal society like the one from which you came.  It’s not that easy.

Stay in the sheath.  Continue the transformation.  Add the right catalysts to your shell to ensure proper transformation.  When I say right catalysts, I am not talking about a bunch of drinking and clubbing to get your mind off of your job.  I am talking about becoming a new creation.  2 Corinthians 5:17 states “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature.  The old things passed away, behold, new things have come.”  Invest in that which matters.  Reject the bad.  Stay focused.  Emerge from this experience a beautiful butterfly.

Solo Flight and MTC....What exactly do they have in common?

When I was in college, my dad proposed the idea of me getting my pilot’s license.  WOW! It was like a dream come true.  I grew up the son of an ag pilot, and I always wanted to learn how to fly just like dad.  However, the opportunity had not presented itself before then.  I had my first lesson on September 1^st, 2006, which was my 19^th birthday.  A couple of weeks went by, and I had progressed well.  On a Wednesday morning, I believe the date was September 20^th, my instructor came to our lesson prepared to challenge me.  We climbed into the plane, and he asked me to perform every move that we had practiced so far.  I did a nice takeoff, a couple of steep turns, and then he pulled the power and told me to land it.  I hit the runway as smooth as could be!  I was “flying high” on confidence.  As we pulled up to the terminal, he opened the door to get out, and I attempted to kill the engine.  He caught it and kept it running, and then he said to me, “hey, you’re going up by yourself.”  OH MY GOODNESS!  I began to sweat as I pulled out on the taxiway.  I made my calls and took off!  My sweaty hands made gripping the yoke a little difficult.  I guided the Cessna 172 in the pattern, reported my position at the right times, and landed smooth on the runway.  It felt great to be on the ground again!  My instructor then told me to do another landing!  I distinctly remember looking down at the airport when I was in the air and just praying that I made it to the ground safely.  Another successful landing!  Just when I thought things were through, he made me do another one!  Well after more prayers, I slammed the last one on the runway pretty hard, and we decided to call it quits.  You know what I wrote in my logbook that day?  “Became better Christian.”  HAHA

The reason that I tell that story is that it perfectly relates to our MTC experience.  Really for two years, we have been with our instructors in the airplane.  Our superiors and our friends have been there to support and teach us as we explored what it meant to be a teacher.  As we present our total body of work to them in our portfolio, it is sort of like me showcasing everything I had learned to my instructor.  Here is the key: instead of trying to cut the engine off after our showcase, I am certain that, just like my flight instructor, Ben, Germaine, and Ann want us to go out in many different places and continue to work, teach, and do well.  When you venture out on your own, some of your landings might be a little rough like mine on that hot September day.  But hey, hopefully you can write at the end of the day “I served others and became a better person, teacher, and friend.”

 

 

 

Why should someone not join MTC? Why should someone join MTC?

Ever since I reflected on whether someone should or should not join MTC last year, I have had the opportunity to use those essays various times when someone emails me about joining the program.  I just went back and read my essay about why someone should not join MTC, and it still rings true today.  However, I am in a completely different place (mindset) this year than I was last year.  Last year, I was looking at another year in a very difficult school. 

Another year of torture. 

Another year of disrespect. 

Another year of gang violence. 

Another year of early mornings and late nights. 

At this point, my outlook is completely different.  Instead of dreading next year, I look forward to being free.  I only have 11 more instructional weeks of the aforementioned problems.  With that in mind, I have a little more perspective when I opine about one’s reasons to or not to join MTC.

Why should one not join MTC?  To be frank, it’s not worth it.  Mentally, I am in much worse shape than I was in 2009 pre-MTC.  I have been disrespected and chewed out enough times that I think the quota for my life has been reached.  I should also note that the disrespect was not always from the students!  Physically, I've gained a bunch of weight and have more grey hair.  I would like to include this paragraph from last year’s post that still rings true this year:

“The students are not concerned with how lucky they are by being blessed with such gifted and intelligent teachers.  All they can think about is all the “work” that you are making them do.  They are concerned with the girl sitting in front of them or what they are having for lunch.  If you can’t get off of your high horse to eat a daily serving of humble pie, don’t join MTC.  To you, they mean the world.  To them, you are not nearly as important.”

So, do not come into this experience thinking that you are God’s greatest gift to teaching in children.  In reality, the children will not feel this way in return. 

 After all that bad, is there any good?

I’m thinking through various reasons that would drive me to put my wife and me through this process again.  I made some really great friends in MTC, and that is something I will always cherish.  Another advantage of MTC is you learn how to be a really great teacher, and as a second year, you get to help a young up-and-comer learn how to teach, as well!  Those are skills that will translate into many different jobs and professions. 

Here is the most important advantage of MTC: if you are considering an alternate route program and are going to become a teacher no matter what, please choose MTC.  The support, training, and friendships will carry you through the toughest of times.  If you are more along the lines of “I want to give back and maybe MTC is the way to do that,” RUN AWAY NOW!

What would I cut?

            Being a teacher, it is not easy to answer the question “What would you cut?”  Many in the field of education always head to the teachers to find something to cut from them.  Sometimes, school districts cut resources.  Other times, it is an issue of cutting pensions or raising health insurance premiums.  I have never seen the school district for which I work look to furlough the central office staff.  It seems as if everything is directed at cutting teachers.

            Now that this assignment is giving me the liberty to swing the axe at someone else, I plan on doing it fairly and justly.  I am not of the school of thought that promotes more work and longer hours for the teachers.  That excuse or way out is used so often that the teachers are overwhelmed by all that is asked of them.  After reading about the situation in Carolina, I have a variety of recommendations, and some of them are serious.  You, reader, have to guess which are serious and which are fictitious. 

1-Eliminate the use of paper by the office staff.  How many times have teachers been yelled at by administrators for the use of paper only to watch the office staff tear through stacks and stacks of useless copies.  I get nauseous thinking about people from our central office walking over with stacks of papers for us to look at and throw away.  During the same meeting when we get the papers, we will be yelled at for using more than 500 copies in a month. 

2-I am unsure of the situation in North Carolina, but I would assume that teachers get paid for extra duties that they perform.  In Illinois, my wife got paid to do bus duty and attend after school events.  Since we in Mississippi already deal with this situation, I would recommend cutting those little extras for those of you in North Carolina.

3-Decrease principal and superintendent pay by 25%.  This seems ridiculous, but they are making twice as much as the teachers while only doing a little bit more of the work. 

4-Use the ISS kids to clean the school one period a day.  Are you sick of seeing people stand around and draw a paycheck?  Fire them, and you won’t have to worry about it anymore.

5-Put the lights on timers.  Do you plan on staying in the building past 4:30?  You better bring a flashlight!

As far as the comments are concerned, I am immune to anonymous online ignorance.  For a couple of years, I read sports message boards and the Clarion-Ledger comments section on articles.  I expect ignorance to come out of them.

 

Portfolios

While looking through the portfolios, I had a lot of interesting sensations running through my body. Stress came from thinking of the looming deadlines for my own portfolio. Excitement flew through my mind at the thought of only 16 more weeks of teaching!!! It was also very neat to explore different portfolios and get some ideas for my own. Some of the things I noticed initially were encouraging. It is ok to stick pretty close to the provided formatting by iWeb, which is comforting. I am not very creative when it comes to dressing up websites though I have had to do it in the past. Also, I enjoyed seeing the personal lives of the teachers incorporated into the portfolios.

The first one that I sought out was Christina Jordan’s. She was a very nice and helpful 2nd year, and I was curious as to what she would have to say about herself. I really enjoyed how she talked about her personal life and marriage. Some may disagree, but many forget that teachers are real people too. Being a married man, I want to incorporate my wife and unborn child into my portfolio, but I was unsure as to what the appropriateness of it was. Christina’s page definitely inspired me to show more of my personal side and not just the business side. Christina’s blog also reminded me of my own progression throughout the two years, and reading her blog jogged my memory. Progression of classroom management plan? More like regression of classroom management for me….

Ken Estling’s portfolio interested me long before I even looked at it. Knowing the little I do know about Ken, I figured that it would be straight laced, black and white, and blatantly liberal. When I opened his page, there were no surprises! It is very clean and well organized, and it is not very colorful. I do not mean that as an insult; rather, I like how the portfolio is indicative of his personality.

I was not blown away by a portfolio until I saw Hayley Hill’s. It was amazing to see how much effort she put into those pages! The picture of the sun setting through the window and shining on the chairs added a somber tone that I really liked. It also excited me to think that the sun is setting on my teaching career as well! Her portfolio really inspired me to make sure that my portfolio is a work of art that I am proud of, not just something I throw together to get this last project grade.